Note: #1 seed Rutherford Hayes, born in Delaware, Ohio, receives a first round bye.
#2 George W. Bush - 43rd President: George W. Bush is the former owner of the Texas Rangers, a baseball club heralding the proud tradition of Western lawmen. Early on, Bush was quite the party boy, known for having battled alcoholism and drug abuse. He may not be the most trustworthy of fellows and W. is well-known for pursuing a war to reconcile his Daddy’s vendetta. Additionally, there was controversy around his supposed service in the National Guard. Not known for his intellectual prowess, he did read 14 Lincoln biographies while President.
#11 Benjamin Harrison - 23rd President: Harrison was the grandson of President William Henry Harrison and served in Union Army as Brigadier General, though history has troubling remembering anything remarkable he did while in service. His administration is remembered most for economic legislation, including the McKinley Tariff and the Sherman Antitrust Act, and for annual federal spending that reached one billion dollars for the first time. He died from influenza in the years following his Presidency.
#3 William Taft - 27th President: Taft owns the honorable distinction of being the only President to also serve as Chief Justice. While serving as War Secretary before he lived in the White House, Taft generally concentrated on major developments, including the Philippines and the Panama Canal, much to the detriment of departmental housekeeping problems, including factionalism within the Department. He didn’t actually want to be President despite his predecessor’s Roosevelt’s strong grooming efforts. Taft was a large man and had to special order a bathtub big enough for him to get in, which we think helps him in battle.
#10 Calvin Coolidge - 30th President: In 1919, in response to rumors that the Boston Police Department planned to form a union, Police Commissioner Edwin U. Curtis issued a statement saying that such a move would not be tolerated. Coolidge would have none of it. “There is no right to strike against the public safety by anyone, anywhere, any time," he said, gaining a reputation for being a hard-ass.
#4 Grover Cleveland - 22nd and 24th President: When given the option to fight in the Civil War, Cleveland instead paid $150 to a Polish immigrant to serve in his place. That said, he did serve as Sheriff of Erie County and personally executed two murderers. Cleveland was the leader of the pro-business Bourbon Democrats who opposed high tariffs, Free Silver, inflation, imperialism and subsidies to business, farmers or veterans. Cleveland won praise for his honesty, independence, integrity, and commitment to the principles of classical liberalism.
#9 Lyndon B Johnson - 36th President: Johnson ascended to the presidency following the assassination of John F. Kennedy. He was responsible for designing the "Great Society" legislation that included laws that upheld civil rights, public broadcasting, Medicare, Medicaid, environmental protection, aid to education, and his "War on Poverty." Johnson was renowned for his domineering personality and the "Johnson treatment," his coercion of powerful politicians in order to advance legislation. Johnson escalated American involvement in the Vietnam War, from 16,000 American advisors/soldiers in 1963 to 550,000 combat troops in early 1968, despite never actually “being at war.”
#5 Abraham Lincoln - 16th President: Reared in a poor family on the western frontier, Lincoln was mostly self-educated, and became a country lawyer, a Whig Party leader and Illinois state legislator during the 1830s. Due to his preoccupations with Mary Todd, his clinically insane wife, and his ability to get lost in his own thoughts, Lincoln may not be so focused on the battlefield. However, he was extremely politically savvy, exemplified by one of his most famous feats: the Emancipation Proclamation, which, in truth, only ended slavery in southern, rebel states.
#8 Franklin Pierce - 14th President: Pierce served as a Brig. Gen. in the Mexican-American war, enlisting in the volunteer services. As a leader of men, Pierce took command of a brigade of reinforcements for Winfield Scott's army marching on Mexico City. During a battle, Pierce was seriously wounded in the leg when he fell from his horse. He returned to his command the following day, but during the Battle of Churubusco, the pain in his leg became so great that he passed out and had to be carried from the field. Bitch.
#6 Harry Truman - 33rd President: Truman served in WWI as a Battery Commander and was known to maintain order of a division long known for poor discipline. He is most well- known for dropping two bombs on Japan, one in Hiroshima and one in Nagasaki that led to the end of WWII. Tensions with the Soviet Union following the aftermath indirectly caused the Cold War. Scary.
#7 Richard Nixon - 37th President: Fun facts: his Middle name was “Milhous” and Nixon was given a commendation in the Navy, receiving two stars for his effort but saw no actual combat. He was a known alcoholic and paranoid (android), the latter of which led to a whole bunch of taped conversations and scandal that led to his downfall. Due to his instability, Nixon may not have the best odds. On the other hand, his cautious nature could keep him out of trouble and propel him far.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The Point Pleasant Bracket - Round One
Note: #1 seed Ulysses S. Grant, born in Point Pleasant, Ohio, receives a first round bye.
#2 Teddy Roosevelt - 26th President: Roosevelt is noted for his exuberant personality, range of interests and achievements, and his leadership of the Progressive Movement, as well as his "cowboy" persona and robust masculinity. He completed the Panama Canal and helped end the Russo-Japanese War. A sickly, asthmatic child, TR grew up to walk around with his big stick hanging out.
#11 Dick Cheney: While Cheney never formally served as a U.S. President, one might assert Cheney was likely the most powerful Vice President. It is often thought that he may or may not have been the “brains” behind the George W.Bush Administration and is sometimes compared to Darth Vader (not entirely inaccurate). Also, he shot a man in the face who was said to be his “friend” (See previous point).
#3 Ronald Reagan - 40th President: Before becoming President, Reagan was an actor in Western films as well as in radio and television. That's not hardcore, but he was an Army reserve despite being nearsighted. As President, Reagan implemented sweeping new political and economic initiatives. His supply-side economic policies, advocated reducing tax rates to spur economic growth, controlling the money supply to reduce inflation, deregulation of the economy, and reducing government spending. It failed. In his first term he survived an assassination attempt, took a hard line against labor unions, and ordered an invasion of Grenada.
#10 Warren G. Harding - 29th President: Harding was an influential newspaper publisher and was well known for his affable manner and make-no-enemies campaign strategy. While in his Presidency he formally ended WWI, put into effect the first child welfare act and cut unemployment in half. Sounds like a big softie to me. Warren G coined the phrase, “Founding Fathers” (not “Gin and Juice”).
#4 James Garfield - 20th President: Garfield served nine consecutive terms in the U.S. House of Representatives, most notably on the Appropriations and Ways and Means committees. One might infer that he was a career politician who was good with his brain, but maybe not his bod. Assassinated 200 days into office.
#9 William McKinley - 25th President: Fought in the Union Army and promoted several times. McKinley led the nation to victory in the Spanish–American War, raised protective tariffs to promote American industry, and maintained the nation on the gold standard in a rejection of inflationary proposals. Maybe all of his propensity towards building the American machine is what led to an assassination in 1901 by an anarchist.
#5 George H Bush - 41st President H.W enlisted in U.S Navy following Pearl Harbor and served until end of WWII. Both his sons George W. and Jeb Bush are well-known Republicans holding or formerly held high office. He breeds “winners.” As the former Director of CIA, Bush was privy to the countries darkest secrets and how to get things done. AKA HW Bush ain’t nuthin to fuck with.
#8 Herbert Hoover - 31st President Hoover was an engineer by trade which may be why he was such a strong advocate of the “Efficiency Movement.” Unfortunately the stock market crashed just eight months after he took office marring his presidential record. An educated and well-traveled man, he and Mrs. Hoover lived in China and learned to speak fluent Mandarin. Not related to J. Edgar but still sounds like not the most masculine of execs.
#6 Andrew Johnson - 17th President Johnson presided over the initial and contentious Reconstruction era of the United States following the American Civil War. He was known as a unionist, who was a slave-holder and pro-slavery. Looked like Tommy Lee Jones with longer hair. He did not fight in the army, but was appointed Military Governor by President Lincoln. Prior to his political career he was a master tailor following in his mother’s footsteps. Nuf said.
#7 Gerald Ford - 38th President Ford is the only person to have served as both President and Vice President of the United States without being elected by Electoral College. Ford’s service in the as a Lieutenant in the Navy is impressive. He taught elementary navigation skills, ordnance, gunnery, first aid and military drill. Also, he coached in all nine sports that were offered, but mostly in swimming, boxing and football. The guy was athletic and multi-skilled.
#2 Teddy Roosevelt - 26th President: Roosevelt is noted for his exuberant personality, range of interests and achievements, and his leadership of the Progressive Movement, as well as his "cowboy" persona and robust masculinity. He completed the Panama Canal and helped end the Russo-Japanese War. A sickly, asthmatic child, TR grew up to walk around with his big stick hanging out.
#11 Dick Cheney: While Cheney never formally served as a U.S. President, one might assert Cheney was likely the most powerful Vice President. It is often thought that he may or may not have been the “brains” behind the George W.Bush Administration and is sometimes compared to Darth Vader (not entirely inaccurate). Also, he shot a man in the face who was said to be his “friend” (See previous point).
#3 Ronald Reagan - 40th President: Before becoming President, Reagan was an actor in Western films as well as in radio and television. That's not hardcore, but he was an Army reserve despite being nearsighted. As President, Reagan implemented sweeping new political and economic initiatives. His supply-side economic policies, advocated reducing tax rates to spur economic growth, controlling the money supply to reduce inflation, deregulation of the economy, and reducing government spending. It failed. In his first term he survived an assassination attempt, took a hard line against labor unions, and ordered an invasion of Grenada.
#10 Warren G. Harding - 29th President: Harding was an influential newspaper publisher and was well known for his affable manner and make-no-enemies campaign strategy. While in his Presidency he formally ended WWI, put into effect the first child welfare act and cut unemployment in half. Sounds like a big softie to me. Warren G coined the phrase, “Founding Fathers” (not “Gin and Juice”).
#4 James Garfield - 20th President: Garfield served nine consecutive terms in the U.S. House of Representatives, most notably on the Appropriations and Ways and Means committees. One might infer that he was a career politician who was good with his brain, but maybe not his bod. Assassinated 200 days into office.
#9 William McKinley - 25th President: Fought in the Union Army and promoted several times. McKinley led the nation to victory in the Spanish–American War, raised protective tariffs to promote American industry, and maintained the nation on the gold standard in a rejection of inflationary proposals. Maybe all of his propensity towards building the American machine is what led to an assassination in 1901 by an anarchist.
#5 George H Bush - 41st President H.W enlisted in U.S Navy following Pearl Harbor and served until end of WWII. Both his sons George W. and Jeb Bush are well-known Republicans holding or formerly held high office. He breeds “winners.” As the former Director of CIA, Bush was privy to the countries darkest secrets and how to get things done. AKA HW Bush ain’t nuthin to fuck with.
#8 Herbert Hoover - 31st President Hoover was an engineer by trade which may be why he was such a strong advocate of the “Efficiency Movement.” Unfortunately the stock market crashed just eight months after he took office marring his presidential record. An educated and well-traveled man, he and Mrs. Hoover lived in China and learned to speak fluent Mandarin. Not related to J. Edgar but still sounds like not the most masculine of execs.
#6 Andrew Johnson - 17th President Johnson presided over the initial and contentious Reconstruction era of the United States following the American Civil War. He was known as a unionist, who was a slave-holder and pro-slavery. Looked like Tommy Lee Jones with longer hair. He did not fight in the army, but was appointed Military Governor by President Lincoln. Prior to his political career he was a master tailor following in his mother’s footsteps. Nuf said.
#7 Gerald Ford - 38th President Ford is the only person to have served as both President and Vice President of the United States without being elected by Electoral College. Ford’s service in the as a Lieutenant in the Navy is impressive. He taught elementary navigation skills, ordnance, gunnery, first aid and military drill. Also, he coached in all nine sports that were offered, but mostly in swimming, boxing and football. The guy was athletic and multi-skilled.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
The Barboursville Bracket - Round One
Note: #1 seed Zachary Taylor, born in Barboursville, Virginia, receives a first round bye.
#2 Barack Obama - 44th President: Yes he received a 2009 Nobel Peace Prize (weak), but he accepted the award to talk about war (not weak). He also decimated America's #1 foreign enemy, mostly using drone strikes wherever and whenever the fuck he felt like striking. Also, he will - and has - shot pirates in the head.
#11 Jimmy Carter - 39th President - Were we to solely focus on the Iran Hostage Crisis, Carter may still be relegated to an 11 seed. But, BUT, when we consider the 1979 energy crisis (not entirely his fault, but still), the Three Mile Island nuclear accident (again, not his doing, but still), the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the 1980 Moscow Summer Olympics boycott (the only U.S. boycott in Olympic history) and the eruption of Mount St. Helens, well that's a pattern of weakness we couldn't ignore. That said, he did deregulate the American beer industry, which does gain him strength points.
#3 Dwight D Eisenhower - 34th President: Here's all you need to know (for these purposes) about Ike: After he attained the rank of General in the U.S. Army, he was given a title Superman would be envious of: Supreme Allied Commander of Europe. Something tells us, he knows a thing or two about kicking ass.
#10 Millard Fillmore - 13th President: There's a reason you may know nothing about Fillmore. Our 13th president perfected the art of avoiding the limelight as a strategy to succeed. While that may be admirable in some circles (and ended up not being so successful on the national stage), it certainly would not do well in hand-to-hand combat. Before becoming President, Fillmore held elected office for many years. He may have learned certain skills as a politician, but real world fighting probably wasn't one of them. If you have any doubts, research his key piece of legislation: The Compromise of 1850. You don't win fist fights by compromising.
#4 James K. Polk - 11th President: A real sonofabitch, President Polk seems like he would cut ya for looking the wrong way. As evidence: He threatened war with Britain over the issue of which nation owned the Oregon Country. Then, THEN, when Mexico rejected America's not at all legal plan to annex Texas, Polk led the nation into war and succeeded wildly against our amigos to the sur. Just for good measure, he also established a treasury system that lasted for nearly seven decades. Those are all good, but this is amazing: As a 17-year-old, Polk had surgery to remove urinary stones. During the successful operation, he remained awake the entire time with nothing but brandy available for anesthetic. Get some!
#9 Chester A. Arthur - 21st President: He gets points for helping to strengthen the Navy (though letting the military deficit ballon) and meddling in Latin American affairs. Ultimately, though, Arthur's presidency (and life before the White House) were on the undistinguishable side of things while his poor health (shortly after becoming president, Arthur was diagnosed with a kidney ailment) could make his chances for survival difficult.
#5 Bill Clinton - 42nd President: Bubba gets high marks for governing the rough and tumble South (and for being the product of an abusive father), but we had to downgrade him for a series of non-muscular missteps his administration took, including blunders in Somalia, such as the bombing of a pharmaceutical plant he thought harbored terrorists. Clinton also repeatedly failed to capture or kill bin Laden, which is not very kick ass of him. When it's all said and done, though, no word characterizes Bill Clinton as much as Survivor, which is why he's #5 on our list.
#8 John F. Kennedy - 35th President: I know what you're going to say: There's no way President Kennedy, perhaps one of the top executives of all time and close friend of mobsters is an eight seed. Though he was likely shadier than a forest, consider this: JFK probably never got his hands dirty, which is more than we can say for many presidents before him. Kennedy also bungled the invasion of the tiny Cuban island and, while he sought to push other countries to accept Democracy through sometimes violent means, he did so secretively. Real men intimidate publically.
#6 Franklin D. Roosevelt - 32nd President: It's very likely that the aristocratic FDR never engaged in fisticuffs as a youth. It's very likely he wouldn't know what to do with his fists if Mike Tyson were in front of him. These, of course, are considerations we took into account but ultimately feel secure in his #6 seed on the basis of two things: Kicking Hitler's ass and that, at any point, he could throw his wheelchair at somebody and do some serious harm.
#7 James Buchanan - 15th President: Generally speaking, Buchanan's presidency is not rated favorably by historians and there's good reason to think his chances are just as weak on the battlefield. For one, his nickname was "doughface," because he was so moldable; for another, he considered the essence of good government to be founded on restraint. You know what's not founded on restraint? Fighting. However, he does get points for holding together a pre-Civil War nation bursting at the seams, which ain't nothing.
#2 Barack Obama - 44th President: Yes he received a 2009 Nobel Peace Prize (weak), but he accepted the award to talk about war (not weak). He also decimated America's #1 foreign enemy, mostly using drone strikes wherever and whenever the fuck he felt like striking. Also, he will - and has - shot pirates in the head.
#11 Jimmy Carter - 39th President - Were we to solely focus on the Iran Hostage Crisis, Carter may still be relegated to an 11 seed. But, BUT, when we consider the 1979 energy crisis (not entirely his fault, but still), the Three Mile Island nuclear accident (again, not his doing, but still), the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the 1980 Moscow Summer Olympics boycott (the only U.S. boycott in Olympic history) and the eruption of Mount St. Helens, well that's a pattern of weakness we couldn't ignore. That said, he did deregulate the American beer industry, which does gain him strength points.
#3 Dwight D Eisenhower - 34th President: Here's all you need to know (for these purposes) about Ike: After he attained the rank of General in the U.S. Army, he was given a title Superman would be envious of: Supreme Allied Commander of Europe. Something tells us, he knows a thing or two about kicking ass.
#10 Millard Fillmore - 13th President: There's a reason you may know nothing about Fillmore. Our 13th president perfected the art of avoiding the limelight as a strategy to succeed. While that may be admirable in some circles (and ended up not being so successful on the national stage), it certainly would not do well in hand-to-hand combat. Before becoming President, Fillmore held elected office for many years. He may have learned certain skills as a politician, but real world fighting probably wasn't one of them. If you have any doubts, research his key piece of legislation: The Compromise of 1850. You don't win fist fights by compromising.
#4 James K. Polk - 11th President: A real sonofabitch, President Polk seems like he would cut ya for looking the wrong way. As evidence: He threatened war with Britain over the issue of which nation owned the Oregon Country. Then, THEN, when Mexico rejected America's not at all legal plan to annex Texas, Polk led the nation into war and succeeded wildly against our amigos to the sur. Just for good measure, he also established a treasury system that lasted for nearly seven decades. Those are all good, but this is amazing: As a 17-year-old, Polk had surgery to remove urinary stones. During the successful operation, he remained awake the entire time with nothing but brandy available for anesthetic. Get some!
#9 Chester A. Arthur - 21st President: He gets points for helping to strengthen the Navy (though letting the military deficit ballon) and meddling in Latin American affairs. Ultimately, though, Arthur's presidency (and life before the White House) were on the undistinguishable side of things while his poor health (shortly after becoming president, Arthur was diagnosed with a kidney ailment) could make his chances for survival difficult.
#5 Bill Clinton - 42nd President: Bubba gets high marks for governing the rough and tumble South (and for being the product of an abusive father), but we had to downgrade him for a series of non-muscular missteps his administration took, including blunders in Somalia, such as the bombing of a pharmaceutical plant he thought harbored terrorists. Clinton also repeatedly failed to capture or kill bin Laden, which is not very kick ass of him. When it's all said and done, though, no word characterizes Bill Clinton as much as Survivor, which is why he's #5 on our list.
#8 John F. Kennedy - 35th President: I know what you're going to say: There's no way President Kennedy, perhaps one of the top executives of all time and close friend of mobsters is an eight seed. Though he was likely shadier than a forest, consider this: JFK probably never got his hands dirty, which is more than we can say for many presidents before him. Kennedy also bungled the invasion of the tiny Cuban island and, while he sought to push other countries to accept Democracy through sometimes violent means, he did so secretively. Real men intimidate publically.
#6 Franklin D. Roosevelt - 32nd President: It's very likely that the aristocratic FDR never engaged in fisticuffs as a youth. It's very likely he wouldn't know what to do with his fists if Mike Tyson were in front of him. These, of course, are considerations we took into account but ultimately feel secure in his #6 seed on the basis of two things: Kicking Hitler's ass and that, at any point, he could throw his wheelchair at somebody and do some serious harm.
The Carolinas Bracket - Round One
Note: #1 seed Andrew Jackson, born in the Carolinas, though the exact location is unknown, receives a first round bye.
#2 George Washington - 1st President: A fighter who commanded troops to victory against the world's mightiest army would usually grant an automatic #1 seed. He gets high marks for just about everythign he did, but here's where he fell short: the wealthy Washington may have been a brilliant strategist and commander, but as a hand-to-hand fighter, we have our doubts he could hack it with the top echelon.
#11 William Henry Harrison - 9th President: Among the more regrettable and weak-kneed presidents. The reasons most agree on this point are vast, but the only two you need to know are these: President Harrison invaded Canada (a country that doesn't have a word for "War") in the War of 1812 and, of course, he died a month into taking office. Weak.
#3 Woodrow Wilson - 28th President:As a candidate for President, Wilson showed cunning strength by promising peace (read: isolationism) in the election of 1916 only to enter WWI a year later. Ultimately, his push for the United States to kick ass around the world in the name of democracy earns him high marks. Would have been higher had he not earned a Nobel Peace Prize in 1919 - an award that won't inspire fear in your enemies on the battlefield.
#10 Martin Van Buren - 8th President: Points for serving under #1 seed and BAMF Andrew Jackson, but that's about it. As President, Van Buren refused to annex the most macho state of all, Texas, and struggled to contain the economic hardships that crystallized across the nation as the Panic of 1837. If you can't keep some math nerds - and their bullion - happy, we don't have high hopes for a fist fight.
#4 John Tyler - 10th President: Though historians may hold his presidency in low esteem, Tyler deserves credit for doing what Van Buren was too weak to do (annex Texas) while also forcing foreign governments to sign treaties that generally favored the U.S., including one in China that (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Wanghia) bitch slapped that nation across its ports. Those are good but this is best: When Van Buren died in office, Tyler essentially forced his way in, laying the ground work for the modern version of presidential succession. A fighter indeed.
#9 John Quincy Adams - 6th President: A fantastic president who helped declare an end to the War of 1812 (weak), President Adams worked to expand American infrastructure (could be handy in a fight, but not a recipe for kicking ass and, thus, Weak) and enacted a generally favorable view of Native Americans (WEAK!).
#5 James Monroe - 5th President: We could point to his aggression in Florida in trying and take over the Seminole Nation or his near-unanimous reelection (bad ass) as evidence of how he would succeed in hand-to-hand combat, but, really, there's only one reason we sure he'd fight hard: The Monroe Doctrine. Perhaps this U.S. policy is most responsible for our love of invading whomever we like wherever we like for nearly 200 years.
#8 John Adams - 2nd President: The short, pudgy elder Adams does not portend fear in the hearts of his opponents. What's more, historians claim his major presidential accomplishment to be a peaceful resolution of a political conflict with those across the aisle. That may be a feat in the halls of Washington, but not on the school yard, son.
#6 James Madison - 4th President: Yes he was a Founding Father and yes he was the Father of the Bill of Rights but there's also this: under his watch, a short French dude who later went by the name "Ziggy Piggy" was able to take over Europe. That said, look for some upward bracket movements here as Madison did grow the Army and Navy during the War of 1812.
#7 Thomas Jefferson - 3rd President: An intellectual who was fluent in five languages, Jefferson was also greatly interested in science, invention, architecture, religion and philosophy. If this were a brain battle, this Founding Father would be tops. Sadly for him, though, this is a battle of braun, a fight with fists (and weapons hidden under sleeves, we hope), and the amount of brute strength he likely possessed was directly inverse to the amount of smarts he featured.
#2 George Washington - 1st President: A fighter who commanded troops to victory against the world's mightiest army would usually grant an automatic #1 seed. He gets high marks for just about everythign he did, but here's where he fell short: the wealthy Washington may have been a brilliant strategist and commander, but as a hand-to-hand fighter, we have our doubts he could hack it with the top echelon.
#11 William Henry Harrison - 9th President: Among the more regrettable and weak-kneed presidents. The reasons most agree on this point are vast, but the only two you need to know are these: President Harrison invaded Canada (a country that doesn't have a word for "War") in the War of 1812 and, of course, he died a month into taking office. Weak.
#3 Woodrow Wilson - 28th President:As a candidate for President, Wilson showed cunning strength by promising peace (read: isolationism) in the election of 1916 only to enter WWI a year later. Ultimately, his push for the United States to kick ass around the world in the name of democracy earns him high marks. Would have been higher had he not earned a Nobel Peace Prize in 1919 - an award that won't inspire fear in your enemies on the battlefield.
#10 Martin Van Buren - 8th President: Points for serving under #1 seed and BAMF Andrew Jackson, but that's about it. As President, Van Buren refused to annex the most macho state of all, Texas, and struggled to contain the economic hardships that crystallized across the nation as the Panic of 1837. If you can't keep some math nerds - and their bullion - happy, we don't have high hopes for a fist fight.
#4 John Tyler - 10th President: Though historians may hold his presidency in low esteem, Tyler deserves credit for doing what Van Buren was too weak to do (annex Texas) while also forcing foreign governments to sign treaties that generally favored the U.S., including one in China that (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Wanghia) bitch slapped that nation across its ports. Those are good but this is best: When Van Buren died in office, Tyler essentially forced his way in, laying the ground work for the modern version of presidential succession. A fighter indeed.
#9 John Quincy Adams - 6th President: A fantastic president who helped declare an end to the War of 1812 (weak), President Adams worked to expand American infrastructure (could be handy in a fight, but not a recipe for kicking ass and, thus, Weak) and enacted a generally favorable view of Native Americans (WEAK!).
#5 James Monroe - 5th President: We could point to his aggression in Florida in trying and take over the Seminole Nation or his near-unanimous reelection (bad ass) as evidence of how he would succeed in hand-to-hand combat, but, really, there's only one reason we sure he'd fight hard: The Monroe Doctrine. Perhaps this U.S. policy is most responsible for our love of invading whomever we like wherever we like for nearly 200 years.
#8 John Adams - 2nd President: The short, pudgy elder Adams does not portend fear in the hearts of his opponents. What's more, historians claim his major presidential accomplishment to be a peaceful resolution of a political conflict with those across the aisle. That may be a feat in the halls of Washington, but not on the school yard, son.
#6 James Madison - 4th President: Yes he was a Founding Father and yes he was the Father of the Bill of Rights but there's also this: under his watch, a short French dude who later went by the name "Ziggy Piggy" was able to take over Europe. That said, look for some upward bracket movements here as Madison did grow the Army and Navy during the War of 1812.
#7 Thomas Jefferson - 3rd President: An intellectual who was fluent in five languages, Jefferson was also greatly interested in science, invention, architecture, religion and philosophy. If this were a brain battle, this Founding Father would be tops. Sadly for him, though, this is a battle of braun, a fight with fists (and weapons hidden under sleeves, we hope), and the amount of brute strength he likely possessed was directly inverse to the amount of smarts he featured.
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